Invoking the Contemplative Faculty

Sat, 12 Sep 2009 15:12:16 GMT

the simple bat of the eye
can change your life.

i am so full of anticipation and gratitude
trying to keep as quiet as possible about this blooming news
i am alive again.

i am poetry i am prose
i let my arms strike out into the open air
and declare art in the space in between

i am defeated cynicism.

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 22:39:57 GMT

i want to listen
really listen
to the sound
of guitars and staccato voices
the blaring noise of spring
let it pull me into new existence

even the birds wading indelicately among damp leaves
they can feel the gods tremble
breaking open the sounding sky
making their tiny bodies hop
to the beat of the oncoming symphonic movement

days like these
peels the shadows from
the ugliest
the overwhelming stench
of a former season
gave fruit to new life
while we slept

Sat, 11 Apr 2009 05:34:16 GMT

Goofy music is better than
Sirens is better than
Gunshots is better than
Woman screaming

Outside the bedroom window

capture me again

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 00:34:52 GMT

landscape of poetry
intense and thorough
the taste

of impermanent kingdoms.

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 19:30:32 GMT

I'm back to putting post-it notes on the wall
reminding me to call my loved ones
reminding me that i have loved ones
the way josh and i used to do in college
only

then i felt like i was building something
something profound
or at least i knew too little to know anything about what it was i was building at all

we fought
until our teeth felt dull from the cynics
only to peel back the scars and reveal a mysterious reality
one executive order at a time

and now that the flurry feels over
and the post-it notes have gone back up
are we empty handed?

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 21:49:28 GMT

a hurricane is stumbling through the southern states of this summer-laden country
i rolled down the backseat window of my blue jeep
maybe for the last time
felt new england summer on my lips
it told me change will overtake me

i gave a decade-old and yet age revealing sack of worn cassette tapes
and a childhood car
to a landscape junkie
in the hopes that he would belt bad punk music
while drawing literal and figurative images of round ripe and blue
that thoughts would explode as the taut skin of the fruit

and as i let the tangible escape from my gentle grip, i traced the outline of the past this day
on the faded tread of the tires
the tires that blew out, 90 miles from its destination
leaving the farmer of dreams soaked and delirious
the contours of this angled memory walking forward
each turn of that outstretched road tore through the surface
expressing each historical sigh with locked steering wheels, roaring transmissions, a silent speedometer
i gave in to remembering

breathed in
short but whole
squeezed the soft cradle of my heart
sitting in front of me in stained and speckled a bucket seat
in quiet anticipation
of turpentine soaked studios, wine glasses reflecting knowing smiles
nights that steal the hands of the clocks right from our clutches

(see also)

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 02:04:30 GMT

the fear of being alone, without ideals or place-markers or colored horizon
coupled with a sudden centered state
the incorrigible girl inside
silent and struggling to find the words

almost mourning the passing of a sadder time
the searing pain of breaking out of the water
interface between convalescence and waking life
it is the fear
of surfacing to find that everything on land has turned dry
escaped in the passing of time

the unbearable weight
of new.

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 06:06:12 GMT

i am no longer fitting the pieces of my life back together
I am ready for creation

Though i will not forget the sky
pink and orange and a painful kind of blue
walking alone through the snow at twilight
the mind clear from the static in the air
full and empty and round with thought
and Feeling
of Self.

absurd

Sun, 27 Jan 2008 06:03:56 GMT

we were hopping on rocks
like we did for most of the trip
letting our feet get wet with the sea
and as an aside
she mentioned, 'it's true, he is much cooler than you now; it started the other way around.'

and it was meant to be funny
as though i had grown up and he had not
but it stung
maybe i had a small cut on my foot
that i did not notice.

months later
the remark holds the same absurdity
and the same sting.

herstory

Mon, 21 Jan 2008 03:02:32 GMT

i remembered today falling into the warrior pose, learning for the first time that you knew how to do yoga because you did this intensive study on Asian religions and took classes as part of the project in college. i remembered how our lives unfolded and broke open to one another
how we laughed and wept and hurt one another like sisters

i breathed in the warmth of these memories in my vinyasa breath
and let the bitterness exhale
wrapped my arms around the past with and without its extremities
to say
damn
that's pretty fucking beautiful
and i'm sorry
and you don't have to be

it's wednesday

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 03:10:51 GMT

i just want a cigarette.

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 22:55:19 GMT

there is a fresh cold in the air
that signals the turning to a time of introspection
staying in
learning what we can
from the darkness

to fully comprehend meaning
of winter
is different without the violence of snow
ice hugging walkways and the morning windshield
it is subtle
and deceiving to the haughty

whether welcomed or not
it is here
and asking for a prolonged consideration.

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 02:54:36 GMT

Culmination.

The pinch
of sipping teas and coffees on a crisp and even table
there is Silence where there was once Sound.

and maybe it is cold
or frightening
in the common rhythm
achieved through inconsistent and altogether humiliating strides

but nevertheless heralded
coddled and regarded
as won

not survived.

hopeandfear

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 17:22:48 GMT

so i suppose the next six months
will be
the carrying of a dark secret
that lingers
and haunts

and i will seek
with an even breath
and steady hand
the distant light
that has and remains

waiting for me

you are

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 22:23:08 GMT

to me
fingerpicking guitar sitting on damp grass in the valley
the sound of Garrison Keiler's voice when it's cold outside
the quiet of dawn when the air demands joy of being alive

you are
gentle water over smooth round stones washing beauty into the world
the reason why i can't listen to distortion
on the radio anymore

you are
the soft clouds stretching their arms across the sky
to obscure the sun
just right

you are
the halt in my breath
that cuts off my angry words
and brings me home

you are
transformation
giving peace
a new meaning.

i know it's clicheed

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 15:29:24 GMT

trite and hokey

but i'm ready to look forward finally, instead of behind me always.
to appreciate criticism when it comes
because i love myself enough
at last

to see history for what it is
this wisp of fog
and today is all i want in the world.

that to bask in the present sunrise
might be the most important thing i ever do
in this tiny parenthesis

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 03:00:26 GMT

it is the second day of fall
and i dream of walking on logs in the woods
listening to poetry in dark, alternative school buildings
waiting for the mosquitoes to slowly recede into the cold

of sitting on the porch and read side by side
like loved ones with long, stretched histories
smelling the changing of the leaves

truthfully

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 21:06:04 GMT

i feel chewed up and spit out
from so many accidents and consented happenstances
i will not cast that last stone.

the fatigue overcomes
and i cannot fight you anymore
i am tired of fighting anyone.

so i'm hanging my hat here
you can meet me inside
or stay at the door.

the hall leads both ways

dear diary

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 16:46:14 GMT

things i want when i get my first paycheck:

- to do my eyebrows
- sierra club subscription
- the sunday nyt subscription
- hair things from claires
- work shirts
- a bike pump
- rust removal for my bike
- a belt
- maybe a new suit
- plants plants plants

hmmmmm what else?

gods, it's amazing to feel human again.

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 04:16:50 GMT

i felt the wind in my shorter hair tonight
it spoke of a world to come and a world overcome

and i felt
awake
awake
awake.

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 17:35:40 GMT

speak to me
because i feel silence

somewhere between peace and deliverance

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 02:11:06 GMT

that i will do this on my own
that i can survive these things
that i am still alive

it has nothing to do with worth
or love
or fate
just the plateau
that arrived expectedly
and unexpectedly
washes over
and quiets thought
running like bees in formation

disengage

relief

Sat, 26 May 2007 18:28:14 GMT

finally
i want to take matters into my own hands....
i tell you i will be free of this plague called law school. 100% wash my hands of you, you freakish institution.

1000 words away from freedom.

Wed, 02 May 2007 01:33:57 GMT

"But then when I was ten I had to pee really badly once. On a car trip. It went on for almost an hour and when I finally got to pee in this dirty little gas station, it was so exciting, I moaned. I moaned as I peed. I couldn’t believe it, me moaning in a Texaco station in the middle of Louisiana. I realized right then that moans are connected with not getting what you want right away, with putting things off. I realized moans were best when they caught you by surprise, they came out of this hidden mysterious part of you that was speaking its own language. I realized that moans were, in fact, that language."

i am ready to moan about law school being over, $*%dammit!

i have no brain cells left. seriously.

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 06:06:27 GMT

this feeling creature
she is the last word
on mind/body
held close
filled with intensity
the pushing around of nouns and adverbs

i am walking lazily
around and through you again
looking from the ground and up
letting the shutter of my eye blink
come
and go

let the truth be just the tempt of light
let the truth be the curvature
of your back
in the moonlight.